My Candy Land

It's been quite a while since I've been around the blogging world.  There is so much in my life that has happened that I wouldn't even know where to begin.  Last year and quite honestly the year before that, were such difficult years filled with many trials that put me to the test.  I have to say, 2013 is like a shiny new penny I found on the streets of Candy Land.  It gets better and better every day.  Let's start at the beginning.

I graduated.  Hello, bliss.  NO MORE NURSING SCHOOL FROM HELL!  It had to be said.  It was the most ridiculous, drama filled, terrible year and a half of my schooling years.  And it had nothing to do with the difficulty nursing school brings in the first place.  But all that matters is, I finished.  I'm done, and that's it.

That, it?  Ha.  So I thought.  Next came NCLEX.  Which put nursing school drama to shame.  Good crap, was that the hardest experience of my ever.  Let's just say, I left about two hours early just to make sure I wasn't going to be late.  I ended up spending about half an hour in the Oquirrah Mountain Temple parking lot praying my heart out to no end before I drove to the testing center.  Then I went into my test.  Five hours later and 265 gruelling questions, I finished.  I was crying before I even left the testing center.  I called my mom and I told her I failed.  I know, everyone thinks they failed.  But no, I kid you not.  I KNEW I failed.  Who else gets 265 questions?  I drove home, pissed off, upset, scared, hurt, and feeling like I wanted to give up on nursing.  I tried the whole pearson re-register trick (try to re-register for the NCLEX, if it lets you...you fail, if it says you can't re-register...you pass).  Praise the Lord Almighty, I got that special little box that says, "Our records show asdflkasf;las and you need to contact the asdflk;asiosdf in order to asdoiawejfa".  Basically from the outside world, I passed.  Let's just say I cried harder than when I left the testing center.  But of course, it's too good to be true it feels.  Well, of course almost exactly 24 hours later, there is was.  My name on the DOPL website.  It said "Heather Stam, RN ACTIVE".  It's true kids, I passed.  I'm an RN.  Come to find out, there WAY more people than you think who get 265 questions (about half the people I work with).  Don't even worry, the NCLEX is the worst experience EVER.  But worth the struggle in the end.

Next.  I got a job.  I am officially an RN on the Maternity floor at IMC.  I'm on my own now after a few weeks of orienting.  It feels so great to be able to do things on my own.  Some days I doubt whether I'm really ready for this, but I've learned it's very easy to call for help when you aren't sure.  I still have TONS to learn, but I'm enjoying every minute.

More change.  (I told you, lots has happened)  I moved!  I live in my apartment now that I will live in once I get married.  I love in the Preston Hollow apartments and I love it!  I live on the top floor, a major pain when it comes to taking the dogs out to the bathroom, but a major benefit when it comes to the beautiful 14 foot ceilings!  2 bedrooms (one for the dogs of course) and a kitchen that two people can actually walk around in.  Cody complains already because he wants a backyard for the dogs, but I'm happy I'm getting my actual apartment living experience, even if it probably won't be too long lived.

Last, and most important.  I'M GETTING MARRIED IN THREE WEEKS!!! I seriously could not be more excited or more happy!  It's unreal that it's so close.  I took my bridal pictures last week and it's also unreal how obsessed I am with my dress.  It's pretty much right out of Say Yes to the Dress.  Yep, I'm that proud so I'm going to be that obnxious about it.  My parents have completely surprised me in how involved and how different their attitude has been about the wedding.  They have helped me with so much for the wedding, I really have had lots of fun with my mom planning things.  It feels the way it should with Cody and my parents, a way I was unsure would ever happen for us.  But it has.  Everything feels right.  Everything feels perfect.  I am so in love and I can't believe I really found the person I am EXCITED to be with for eternity.  Cody is so perfect for me.  I don't think anyone gets along the way we do.  We laugh at everything.  We fight about dumb things and then laugh about that.  We can sit at home all day and do nothing, and still it's the best time ever.  I don't know what else to say.  I can't describe it.  I'm proud of him, I belong with him, and I can't wait to become Heather Rose Jenkins.  :)

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December 21st, 2012!!

Welp.  School has been extremely stressful as of late.  Nursing school is supposed to be stressful right?  You wouldn't believe the stress my school has been under.  I invite the thought of regular nursing school stresses now.  Oh what it would be to just stress about school work, tests, and that ever coming NCLEX. 

My nursing school is shutting down.  This, that, and the other... they were told to shut down this coming September.  Where did that leave the poor students that were supposed to graduate December, three months later?  Oh.  They told us that we were going to be finishing school at Ameritech College- graduating in May 2013 instead.  Yes.  My reaction was have at least three melt downs, freak outs, and cry like a maniac.  December is everything I've set my sights to for a year and a half of my life.  It's what I've worked so hard to get good grades for, so that I pass all of my classes and can start 2013 as a Registered Nurse.  But they wanted my to restart 2013 as a student again?  I don't think so.

Well, long story short, the students in my cohort took the liberty of emailing the nursing board of education (the ones who make the decision about closing the school) to figure some things out.  We talked them into allowing us students to come meet with them and we told them our story.  We told them how hard we have all worked for this graduation and how dedicated we all were to our education.  We reminded them how close we were and the fact that all we would have left to take was our NCLEX review class and our preceptorship.  We got just about everyone in that board room crying and well... we got them to say yes!  Yes, I get to graduate as planned.  Yes, my hard work in school has paid off and I will be graduating in 5 months with a nursing degree ready to take my NCLEX exam to make me an RN.  Yes, the countdown to December 21st, 2012 begins!

I'm going to repost something I posted a while ago.  It's a passage from the book My Sister's Keeper.  It's what someone says about the nurse that is taking care of them one day.  It's something I have always remembered since I read the book, it's what helps get me through nursing school and what got me through this stressful few months of figuring out when and where I will be graduation.  The Lord is sure looking over me to get me where I'm at now.  

Quote by Sara (mother of Anna and Kate, who has AML)

"An oncology ward is a battlefield, and there are definate hierarchies of command. The patients, they're the ones doing the tour of duty. The doctors breeze in and out like conquering heros, but they need to read your child's chart to remember where they've left off from the previous visit. It is the nurses who are the seasoned sergeants-the ones who are there when your baby is shaking with such a high fever she needs to be bathed in ice, the ones who can teach you how to flush a central venous catheter, or suggest which patient floor kitchens might still have Popsicles left to be stolen, or tell you which dry cleaners know how to remove the stains of blood or chemotherapies from clothing. The nurses know the name of your daughter's stuffed walrus and show her how to make tissue paper flowers to twine around her IV stand. The doctors may be mapping out the war games, but it is the nurses who make the conflict bearable."

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BVU

Well, my school is still in business.  

Apparently the nursing students at Broadview University aren't all completely bright.. or so you could say. But I guess my school was having some low pass rates on the NCLEX and so they put my program on probation.  And basically, it all came down to 3 students who needed to take the NCLEX and whether they passed or not that determined whether I would be able to finish out my schooling at Broadview or not.  No pressure, right?

Well, those 3 students were threatened by the school board and all the other nursing students enough to pass the test and we can continue to go to school there.  Good dang thing with all the time and money I've put into that place.

On a better note, in my Med/Surg class we finally were taught all about IV's and I've been able to practice them on a select few people who were so kind to loan me a vein.  I've done a few IV's a long time ago on an LPN I worked with who was so nice to teach me how to do them.  But that was a long time ago and it was quite difficult.  Well, after much failure, I finally got a successful and wonderful IV on my mother!  I was so proud, I of course had to take a picture.  This is the first step to the rest of my life as a nurse!

Don't mind the blood that I didn't flush through after I drew it back out.

Next.

I'm sick of writing about my dating life and how going or not going it is.  I have important people in my life, and I'm not engaged or getting married or necessarily even close.  And that's okay.  And that's all for now.  Maybe another post, another day, I will continue to rant on about the makings of a ridiculous love life for me. 

:)

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Koda and Life

Well basically it's been a lifetime and a half since I have updated this blog once again.  I go through phases of whether or not I want to keep writing on it, but I love reading other people's blogs so I figure I better keep mine up so I can keep reading other's also.  Life is constantly changing in drastic ways for me.  It's hard to believe that the life I am living right now is actually my life.  Where did all my stability go? Everything is in constant motion.  Well I guess I will start at the top. 

I got into nursing school at Broadview University.  It is an accelerated private program and it has been great so far.  It's a lot of work, a lot of homework to be exact, but so far so good.  I should be finished in about December of 2012, and I cannot wait for that day! To be an RN and to make some good money instead of being a boring, old CNA would be great!

Next, my missionary.  He is always a topic of my conversation, a headline in my mind.  Waiting for a missionary is tortureous, terrible work.  I DO NOT EVER recommend it for anyone.  Just don't do it.  As for me, it is a constant up and down rollercoaster.  I love that guy in Kentucky, I know I do. But it's so difficult to know exactly how you feel when you haven't seen, let alone really talked to someone in 18 months.  SO difficult.  It is such a scary process and there is never peace of mind.  Especially when I am home seeing so many friends that I have known had missionaries they were waiting for, whose missionary came home and it was so different and didn't work out, or the missionary wrote her off!  I can't tell you how many times I've seen it happen here. Now, I know J.D. would never write me off.  I know that.  But it's scary to think about how it will be when he gets home.  Willl things be the same between us?  Or will it feel totally awkward?  I was actually able to talk to J.D. for the first time on Mother's Day this year.  Not only that, but I was able to Skype with him!  I got to see his face and talk with him at the same time.  Against the rules?  Who knows.  Maybe, maybe not.  I don't freaking care.  It had been so, so long and it was well past time for it.  Talking with him was great, and it actually did feel very normal.  So that gives me confidence that things will be just the same when he gets home.  But it's still something you never stop worrying about.

Now.  Complication #1.  Dating.  Yes, I have been dating since J.D. has been gone.  Yes, there have been some amazing guys in my life, no one that I have actually seen much reason to worry about as far as J.D. and I though.  Until now.  I met this guy who is absolutely amazing in every way.  I spend a lot of time with him and I have grown so close with him that he really is a big part of my life.  The scariest part of it all, is that I could see myself being with him forever, and I would be extremely happy! He knows how to treat a woman, he has been through a lot in his life, he is very driven and ambitious, and he has become one of my very best friends.  I have not kept J.D. in the dark about this guy, yes he knows.  Yes, he hates it but he is also understanding at the same time.  Dating is a process that needed to happen while J.D. was gone.  Things will all work out the way they are supposed to.  I know that I am putting myself in a situation that will end in hurt, no matter the outcome.  Either J.D. will hurt, or this guy will hurt badly.  And in either case I will hurt badly.  Not to mention the hurt that it puts on families in all parties.  But, I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and if that is true then God will not let me get into a situation that I or anyone else cannot handle.  Pain is a part of the experience of finding the person you are going to be with forever, and it is a necessary and crucial part.  I have learned from every painful experience I have been put through.  And I am not alone in figuring out where I am supposed to be in this decision making process.  As scary as it all can be, God is on my side and will help me through it.

Now, on a happier note.  I have a new addition to my family.  Her name is Koda, and she is a beautiful all white Siberian Husky that has one baby blue eye and one brown eye that has a line of blue in it.  She is about 3 months old now, and she is the love of my life! My goodness, puppies can absolutely suck sometimes, Koda sure knows how to get into everything, and destroy it all! But once I got a cage for her to be in when I'm not home, it has improved greatly.  She has a lot of energy and takes away a lot of my own energy, but she is a lot of fun and I love her to death. 

Well, I think that's about all I'm going to say for now.  I will work on keeping this updated a little better for my own sake, who knows who reads this.  But it's always fun to look back upon and laugh about the good times in my life. :)

Koda on the first day I got her, 7 weeks old.

First day that Koda's ears stood up!

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Why I Want To Be a Nurse

Okay, I warned you. I'm addicted to My Sister's Keeper. Sometimes I wonder why I chose to go into nursing, and if that's really what I want to do. But then there are little things every now and then that remind you of exactly why you are doing what you are. This quote from the book is one of those reasons. If this doesn't make you want to be a nurse, then I don't know what does.

Quote by Sara (mother of Anna and Kate, who has AML)

"An oncology ward is a battlefield, and there are definate hierarchies of command. The patients, they're the ones doing the tour of duty. The doctors breeze in and out like conquering heros, but they need to read your child's chart to remember where they've left off from the previous visit. It is the nurses who are the seasoned sergeants-the ones who are there when your baby is shaking with such a high fever she needs to be bathed in ice, the ones who can teach you how to flush a central venous catheter, or suggest which patient floor kitchens might still have Popsicles left to be stolen, or tell you which dry cleaners know how to remove the stains of blood or chemotherapies from clothing. The nurses know the name of your daughter's stuffed walrus and show her how to make tissue paper flowers to twine around her IV stand. The doctors may be mapping out the war games, but it is the nurses who make the conflict bearable."

Wow, it doesn't get better than that.

All quotes from My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

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