Fall Time!

A crappy picture of our beautiful hike.  Once I steal Cody's camera, I will have much better pictures to show off.

I love fall.  I.  Love.  Fall.  The colors are so beautiful and amazing!  It's funny that I've lived in Utah my whole life and still every time fall comes around I'm amazed at how colorful our mountains turn every fall.  I had an amazing week this week and I got to spend a lot of much needed time with Cody.  I told him earlier in the week that I would like to go up the canyon soon to see the colors and we ended up going to Silver Lake on Saturday and spent time walking around the lake and taking pictures of the beautiful scenery.  We also had a lot of fun helping out Missy Larsen who is running for Salt Lake City county council.  Cody is taking a campaign management class or something like that and he has to help someone with the upcoming elections and he chose her.  I like to go help out because I just want to spend the time with Cody.  We've really enjoyed walking the neighborhoods together because it gives us a lot of time to just talk about life and pick apart what we like and don't like about all of the houses we see.  

This week however, the candidates for election were having a big get together, so we went and helped Missy set up a tent so she could talk to people about why they should vote for her.  Well, turns out we set up our tent right next to this crazy guy who was running for President.  Yep.  President of the United States.  I'd never heard of him, and I still don't remember his name now.  No one knew who he was.  He was crazy!  Running for President of the United States?  Haha.  Cody wasn't as intrigued with him as I was.  This guy had to have something wrong going on up in his head because he was totally serious and was seriously trying to get people to vote for him to become the President.  Oh dear.

This week was also JD's birthday.  I spent time with him and his friend's on his birthday to help celebrate and I had a lot of fun.  It's still not easy.  I don't think it will ever be easy.  But the thing is, regardless of whether JD and I are dating or not, he is one of my very best friends.  We started out as friends.  So it's not difficult to still be friends.  Are feelings always going to be there between us?  Yes.  But those feelings aren't strong enough for me to overcome the feelings I have for Cody.  It's hard and many people don't understand.  This situation has been so tough and I know it's hurt a lot of people in the process, especially me.  But I truly feel I'm doing the right thing.  And sometimes the right thing doesn't necessarily mean it's easy.  The thing about my situation is, no matter what the outcome, it's always painful.  It's especially hard to choose the option that leaves your family not happy with you, telling you you are doing the wrong thing.  It's especially hard when the guy you don't choose to be with is still an amazing, wonderful, beautiful guy in every way.  And it's especially hard when there are a lot of times you feel alone in your decision with no one to talk to.  JD is so great in every way, and he and I have a history that I will never forget.  But I'm ready for this new chapter in my life, even if it means the road getting there will be tough. 

 I wish more than anything I could sit on the couch at night and talk to my mother about how amazing my date was with the man I love, or how we went ring shopping and I love the ring I found, or how sweet he was for surprising me at work with flowers and a note that had all of the other nurses talking about what a wonderful guy I have.  I want to come home and tell her how happy I am and how I want to plan a wedding with her every step of the way.  I want her to go dress shopping with me and pick flowers and colors and decorations.  But, I don't get to do those things.  I don't get to share those things with anyone, really.  My mom isn't sure she wants to be involved at all.  And that's the hardest thing in the world to hear.  I'm her only daughter, and I've always dreamed of the perfect wedding.  But I'm learning more and more as I grow up that perfect doesn't exist as a whole, only in small forms.  And I guess having a perfect wedding where my mother is there every step of the way isn't a part of the perfect piece of my life.  I love my momma.  She loves me very much.  We will come through this.  Maybe not in time for a wedding or engagement or even getting to know the person I love.  But maybe some day.  My mom's not a bad person.  My mom means well in every way.  My mom is a major worry wart, and for good reason at times too.  But she doesn't always need to worry as much as she does.  But as much as it hurts to not have my mom be there and excited for the love I've found in my life, I would rather have my over protective, over worrying, and over sensitive mother than a mother who doesn't care.  My mother cares.  She always will. 

A few weeks ago, it rained really hard and I forced my mom to come out and play in the rain with me.  :)