New Post, New Life

I have been bugged by an amount of people because I haven't posted anything on here for a while. But I guess I just feel weird sometimes knowing people are reading about my life. Really though, I like posting on here for JD. And knowing someday he will read this, and get to see everything I went through while he was gone.

This week for me has brought many changes. I don't know if those changes are permanent or not, but because of such a big difference it feels like this week really was an entire year. I have a friend that I have known for a bit that I have hung out with constantly all week. And she introduced me to some people that we have hung out with.. all week. And when I say some people I mean mainly guys. I when I say guys, I mean mainly RM's. Returned Missionaries. The danger zone for waiters like me.

Well, these guys are lots of fun to hang out with. They really are. They aren't quite the RM's that would come to mind.. to me it doesn't seem like they just came home from missions. But they are still good guys. One guy in particular has shown his... interest for me. And I have shown him my interest for my missionary. So this really is an extremely long story condensed a lot, but he knows we are just friends and that's all.

Ever since JD left, the majority of my nights were spent at home with family. Which is great, don't get me wrong.. but at my age, also lonely in the friend department. Which makes me sound totally pathetic, but it's true. You spend all your time with a boyfriend, and he leaves, then your stuck with a lot of time for yourself. So this week has been a lot of fun for me because it has made me feel like I finally have stuff to look forward to. And I have had a blast with my girl friend I've been with constantly. But this week has also had another side to it for me. It feels like my life is moving forward.. or moving on. I met new people since JD left, that he doesn't know. New guys, new girls, new everything. A new part of my life. And it scares me a little to think that my life is going on without him. Which I know has to happen.. but I still don't like it. The worst part about the week (other than this is the first week of his entire mission that I didn't get a letter) is that when I think about him, he is hard to imagine. Meaning, I feel like I'm forgetting what it feels like to have him around. Not holding my hand or anything like that, but just around. Just in the room, just present. And it's the scariest feeling ever! I have so many reminders of him around me all the time, so many pictures. But when I look at them, I can't remember what that felt like to have him right next to me. It's like I don't remember if that really happened, if he really existed.

I hate that feeling, more than anything in the world. But still, I know I love him. And he loves me. But waiting for a missionary sucks like no one would ever believe. I wish we could just take the easy route. I wish I could fast forward the next year or so of my life. I wish this could all just be over now.