The Road Home

Over the last two years, I have accrued a lot of friends who have sent out a boyfriend on a mission.  Mainly because I went looking for those girls who were in the same crappy situation I was in two years ago so that we could maybe talk about this process and help each other through it.  Let me remind you that in no way, shape, or form do I want anyone else to go through what I have gone through the last two years in sending my boyfriend off and away to serve a mission.  Was it the best thing he and I have ever done?  Yes.  Was it the worst thing he and I have ever done?  YES.

I don't think I have fully given credit to the entire situation that has happened to me and the boy I called my missionary.  We had the best relationship a couple could ask for before he left.  We knew we would be together without a doubt, hence the decision I made to "wait" for him.  I had no idea really how hard that was really going to be.  Two years is a lifetime when you are counting every minute of it down.  

Obviously, if you have read more of my blog, you know that my "waiting" for my missionary was much less than ideal.  I decided less than halfway through that I was going to date other people, and while I do not regret that decision one bit, it did make everything difficult.  It was all fine and dandy until I met a boy who changed my world completely, and sadly enough, made me forget the plans and promises that particular missionary and I had together.  Yes, I was honest with the missionary about everything going on, and he knew full well coming home that things were not the same because I also had someone else in my life now.  And as much as I would love to say things are all figured out now with that, they most definitely aren't.  They are still as complicated as ever.  Many days I have a minor meltdown about the whole situation and have no idea how to get myself out of this huge hole.  BUT.  It will all be alright.  It will get figured out.  It may take time, and lots of effort, but a solution will come around.  

I did however, want to express my feelings about this whole two year process I have gone through recently.  My advice to girls who are just entering this really difficult thing always used to be, don't do it.  But at the same time, I understand what it is like to be in love and feel like you will give anything and everything for that person, even if it means to be apart for two years.  If you are getting into this spot I was in, or are just starting out, here is my quick two cents from someone having been through the entire process.  Prepare yourself for hurt, first of all.  A little harsh, I know.  But it's not easy, and you have to accept that from day one.  There will be many days you will feel like this is the worst decision you guys ever made.  But it's not.  Second, date other people.  It is so, SO needed while the person you love is away the way they are when serving a mission.  Not only do you really find out what you want in your future, but it gets your mind off of how crappy your circumstances are at the time.  Don't be afraid to have fun!  It really is okay, regardless of what anyone else says.  However, one thing I would add, don't let yourself get serious with anyone while that missionary is still out serving.  It is very difficult not to convince yourself that he will never come home.  But the truth is, he will come home, and it will be sooner than you think.  Date, yes.  But hold off being serious because that can change everything and if the person you meet while your missionary is gone really does want to be with you, they will wait until you are ready for things to progress.  Lastly, enjoy the time!  Enjoy writing letters and sending packages.  Enjoy the fact that you get a fresh start with a guy you fell madly in love with.  Enjoy growing together, and learning together, and just experiencing the whole mission together.  JD's mission felt like just as much my mission as it did his.  Yes, our experiences were different, but we both went through the whole two years, and we both went through an entire process together. 

My missionary has been home a month now.  It has been the biggest roller coaster now than the entire time apart we had.  We've had the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows.  I wake up and still don't believe myself that he is here.  I imagined this, dreamed of this for two years and now he is here.  I believe my fairy tale ending will come eventually.  Maybe it won't be with my missionary, maybe it will.  That I do not know.  But I do know that when sending a boyfriend on a mission, if you want it to work badly enough, it will.  If you stick it out long enough and decide now that you are going to be together, you will.  Things are different when they come home, but they are even more the same.  That's confusing I know, but only those that have been through this will fully understand what that means.  I'm so happy JD is home.  I'm so happy he is here, and I can call him or text him or see him whenever I feel like it.  It was such a difficult two years in so many ways.  And while I can't fully say I waited the two years because I have a fork in the road I still figuring out which path to take, I can say what I did wait for was worth it.  Whether that was to go through this rough patch and end up with JD all along, or if I grew and learned and end up with someone else, it was worth the whole run. 

 This is the beginning of my fairy tale!  I mean, in all the fairy tales, no one realizes how difficult each of the princesses had it first right?  Cinderella had a family that treated her terribly.  Belle got kidnapped and held hostage.  Mulan joined the army to fight.  Sleeping Beauty was in a pretty massive coma.  Snow White had an evil lady plotting to kill her constantly.  Jasmine had her dad signing her life away to an evil man who wanted to control her.  Ariel sold her voice to the evil and betrayed her father.  Should I keep going?  But all of these princesses found their prince.  All of these princesses endured their trials and pushed through long enough to be happy in the end.  I will too! And considering the difficult time I'm put through now, I'd say that's a fair indication that I'm almost to the happy ending part too.  :)