What is Love?

The answer to this question can be very different depending on who exactly is answering the question.  Is there one right answer?  To me, love is complicated.  It always has been.  But maybe that's what makes it so great, maybe that terrible fight that always has to be put up is what makes love so worth fighting for, because when you have finally won that battle, there is nothing greater.  I've been in love in my life 3 times up until this point.  Part of me wondered at times if I really was in love all 3 of those times, but I know I was.  Why?  Because love has different degrees and each time I've fallen for someone, it's a much deeper degree than before.  However, the deeper the degree of love, the harder the fight has been to get there.  

What is in store for me next?  I've been in love 3 times, and that is not the end.  From this point on, hopefully #4 will be the one I fall for to the deepest degree possible.  But I know that that also means it will probably be the hardest battle of all of them to get there.  But every single time, it's been far worth it.  The joys have exceeded any pain by miles, and with all the pain and hurt it's taken already, I can already tell the joys are going to be exceeding.  

Falling in love is a process.  It's not a one or two day step.  And it's not a one time thing.  You can love that same person forever, but fall in love with them more than one time.  Some day when I get married, I want to fall in love with that person many times over.  Day in and day out a new battle could come our way, but because of it we will fall in love deeper and deeper.  

So what does it mean to be in love?  There's a lot more to love than you can put down in words.  But for me, and hopefully for the rest of my life, this is the kind of love I want.  These are a few of the attributes I will look for in love. 

• Complete honesty in everything, even when it's not easy.
• Complete trust, which goes along with honesty.  One is not without the other.
• That driving physical attraction, the kind that keeps you constantly touching him, whether it's holding hands, or just a hand on the back.  The kind of physical attraction that nothing can come between the two of you and you will never be seen without the other.
• Constant desire to be together.  The kind of love where everyday is spent together, you don't even have to think about it because it's just automatic.
• The element of surprise.  I want him to show up somewhere to surprise me, and even more important, I want to be thrilled to death that it's one more minute in that day that I get to spend in his presence.
• I want to be silly! I want to laugh at all the dumb things, I want to make jokes that no one else will get but us.  I want to go to a completely boring meeting and be laughing the whole way through it because of him.  I want to go out into the middle of the street and make complete fools of ourselves and feel like we will completely regret it, but know that it's something that we will always talk and laugh about.  I want to laugh, every single day.
• I want to be serious.  I know that contradicts the last one, but I want to be with someone that when I need do something completely serious and not a joking matter at all, I can count on him to help.  When times are hard and I need someone to be the strong one, he can take the weight on his shoulders.
• I need a best friend.  Someone I can tell all my stories to, whether they really truly want to hear them or not.  But someone that will not just listen, but engage in my stories.  Who will ask about them on their own free will, and will want to know the outcomes of things that happen. 
• I want a manly man.  I don't mean necessarily big or tall.  I mean, someone who isn't afraid to stand up for me.  Someone who enjoys all the dude kind of things.  Someone who can take charge, a little bit bossy.  Yes, I am quite the bossy person.  But to have someone I can also count on getting the job done, someone who when I am not motivated or feel up to getting things done, will take care of everything.  Someone with an opinion and is stubborn about it.  It may come as a surprise to some people, but I don't always like being the person in charge.  Sometimes it's nice to sit back and just go with the flow, not worry about details.  I need a man who is capable of being the boss sometimes too.
• Experience.  I obviously need someone who I have experienced hardship with.  I need to know that when a huge trial is thrown our way, we are capable of working through it together.  
• Passion.  I want to feel passionate about the person I am in love with.  There's not a whole lot you can say about this, but you can feel it when the passion is there with every single kiss.
• Unconditional love.  I want to love and be loved so deeply that no matter what happens, even if the worst of the worst was to happen, your love is so deep that you would do anything for that person.  Anything to be with that person.  Not that I think that no matter what would happen, two people would have to stay together... there are certain circumstances that it would be appropriate to part ways.  However, even in circumstances like that, love that is so deep and so strong, that even in times like that, it's all you can do to stay together.  Every possible path is looked at at overcoming anything, even the worst of the worst.
• I want to plan the future without really planning the future with the person I love.  I want to go around and let things slip like, "WHEN we get married" or "that would be cute for OUR kids" or "I really want this for OUR apartment".  Things that solidify the future without consciously thinking about it.  
• Most importantly of all, I want to be happy with each other.  I want to look forward to every single day waking up and seeing that person.  I want to have a smile on my face every time I see him all because I feel so lucky to get to be with him.  I want to brag about him when I am asked about the person I'm dating or married to.  I want to be so excited to get off work and get to spend time with him.  I want to be involved in his life and family, and him to be involved in my life and family also.  I want to feel like things are just right, and they just fit.  I want to wake up one day and say, "This is it.  This is what it is supposed to feel like.  This just feels right, and this is something I am never going to let go." 

Love is so hard.  Love is so painful.  Love is such a struggle.  I've loved before and I love now.  However, I know that I still have some things to work out before I get to that point where I get to wake up and say this is it.  That list up there is just some of the things I want for my future, for my love.  I know getting to the point where I am completely content and happy with my life has been and will continue to be a struggle.  But I know that some day when it's all said and done, someday when I wake up next to my husband and realize I have the biggest smile on my face just because he is next to me, I know a day like that is what is going to make the entire difficult journey of getting there worth it.