Married = New Blog!

I'm getting married in 6 days.

6 days!!!!

Marriage brings a lot of change.

One of those changes include a blog with two names.  His and mine.  Together.

It's not official until it's "blog-ficial".

I'm going to make this blogficial before I get married.

SO.  Please, if you would like to get the scoop on the soon to be Jenkins family, head on over to...

www.codyheatherjenkins.blogspot.com

Come follow me, for soon this single life blog shall die.

:)

6 days guys.

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My Candy Land

It's been quite a while since I've been around the blogging world.  There is so much in my life that has happened that I wouldn't even know where to begin.  Last year and quite honestly the year before that, were such difficult years filled with many trials that put me to the test.  I have to say, 2013 is like a shiny new penny I found on the streets of Candy Land.  It gets better and better every day.  Let's start at the beginning.

I graduated.  Hello, bliss.  NO MORE NURSING SCHOOL FROM HELL!  It had to be said.  It was the most ridiculous, drama filled, terrible year and a half of my schooling years.  And it had nothing to do with the difficulty nursing school brings in the first place.  But all that matters is, I finished.  I'm done, and that's it.

That, it?  Ha.  So I thought.  Next came NCLEX.  Which put nursing school drama to shame.  Good crap, was that the hardest experience of my ever.  Let's just say, I left about two hours early just to make sure I wasn't going to be late.  I ended up spending about half an hour in the Oquirrah Mountain Temple parking lot praying my heart out to no end before I drove to the testing center.  Then I went into my test.  Five hours later and 265 gruelling questions, I finished.  I was crying before I even left the testing center.  I called my mom and I told her I failed.  I know, everyone thinks they failed.  But no, I kid you not.  I KNEW I failed.  Who else gets 265 questions?  I drove home, pissed off, upset, scared, hurt, and feeling like I wanted to give up on nursing.  I tried the whole pearson re-register trick (try to re-register for the NCLEX, if it lets you...you fail, if it says you can't re-register...you pass).  Praise the Lord Almighty, I got that special little box that says, "Our records show asdflkasf;las and you need to contact the asdflk;asiosdf in order to asdoiawejfa".  Basically from the outside world, I passed.  Let's just say I cried harder than when I left the testing center.  But of course, it's too good to be true it feels.  Well, of course almost exactly 24 hours later, there is was.  My name on the DOPL website.  It said "Heather Stam, RN ACTIVE".  It's true kids, I passed.  I'm an RN.  Come to find out, there WAY more people than you think who get 265 questions (about half the people I work with).  Don't even worry, the NCLEX is the worst experience EVER.  But worth the struggle in the end.

Next.  I got a job.  I am officially an RN on the Maternity floor at IMC.  I'm on my own now after a few weeks of orienting.  It feels so great to be able to do things on my own.  Some days I doubt whether I'm really ready for this, but I've learned it's very easy to call for help when you aren't sure.  I still have TONS to learn, but I'm enjoying every minute.

More change.  (I told you, lots has happened)  I moved!  I live in my apartment now that I will live in once I get married.  I love in the Preston Hollow apartments and I love it!  I live on the top floor, a major pain when it comes to taking the dogs out to the bathroom, but a major benefit when it comes to the beautiful 14 foot ceilings!  2 bedrooms (one for the dogs of course) and a kitchen that two people can actually walk around in.  Cody complains already because he wants a backyard for the dogs, but I'm happy I'm getting my actual apartment living experience, even if it probably won't be too long lived.

Last, and most important.  I'M GETTING MARRIED IN THREE WEEKS!!! I seriously could not be more excited or more happy!  It's unreal that it's so close.  I took my bridal pictures last week and it's also unreal how obsessed I am with my dress.  It's pretty much right out of Say Yes to the Dress.  Yep, I'm that proud so I'm going to be that obnxious about it.  My parents have completely surprised me in how involved and how different their attitude has been about the wedding.  They have helped me with so much for the wedding, I really have had lots of fun with my mom planning things.  It feels the way it should with Cody and my parents, a way I was unsure would ever happen for us.  But it has.  Everything feels right.  Everything feels perfect.  I am so in love and I can't believe I really found the person I am EXCITED to be with for eternity.  Cody is so perfect for me.  I don't think anyone gets along the way we do.  We laugh at everything.  We fight about dumb things and then laugh about that.  We can sit at home all day and do nothing, and still it's the best time ever.  I don't know what else to say.  I can't describe it.  I'm proud of him, I belong with him, and I can't wait to become Heather Rose Jenkins.  :)

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Logan and Chad

Hearing of Logan and Chad's deaths was particularly heartbreaking.  I was driving to my fiance's house on Sunday to head to church after and he called me and told me the news.  From the horrible story he told me, I didn't believe him at first.  But after some research, I learned the terrifying story was true.  Logan, Chad, and Derek had gone out duck hunting Saturday on the Great Salt Lake.  A storm came in and their boat capsized.  They did not have life jackets on and the water was freezing.  Derek decided to swim back a ways to get some help, and Logan and Chad decided to stay and wait for help.  When they came back to find them, it was too late.

I met Chad and Logan on the same day.  I was at my best friend's house and we planned on hanging out with them for the first time after Logan and I had spent a lot of time talking.  That first day hanging out with them was a complete riot.  Logan had gotten his wisdom teeth out that morning and was a little loopy from the pain medication.  We went to cold stone and Logan ordered banana.  Just banana.  Gross.  It became a long standing joke in our relationship.  Logan and I ended up dating for about a year before he left on his mission.  We were close.  He told me he loved me.  He also said I was the first girl he had ever told that to.  I don't know if that's true, but it made it more special to me.  I had so much fun with Logan.  He treated me so well.  He fell quickly and I think that scared me a little bit, I was very young and wasn't sure what I wanted.  Logan was so good about writing me during his mission.  He sent many letters, and even more pictures.  I on the other hand, was not as good about writing him.  I was only 16 when he left and just getting into high school.  When he came home, I was dating someone else and felt differently.  But that didn't change how highly I thought of him and how special I felt our friendship was.  We continued to talk for a little while until he became serious with his now wife.  We both moved on and really lost touch with each other once he had gotten married and I become serious with someone else.  From what I heard from Chad, Logan had an amazing life with his wife and his two children.  He was happy and had such a bright future ahead of him.  Hearing that he had passed, especially in such a terrible way, was so heartbreaking.  I know that if anything were to happen to my fiance, I would be a complete mess and don't know how I would get through it.  I feel so hurt for Tasha and her kids and can't imagine the pain she feels especially.  She is in my prayers every moment of my day.

Logan Deloy Hardman 

1987 ~ 2012

On November 17, 2012 our precious Logan returned home to his Heavenly Father while doing something he loved, duck hunting with Chad and his friends. Born on March 17, 1987 in West Valley City, UT, to Kevin Deloy and Stephanie Lynn Hilton Hardman. Logan served a two year faithful LDS mission in Knoxville, Tennessee. He had a personal love for his savior which helped him to love and serve those around him. He will continue serving the lord, knowing deep In his heart that his family would be okay and one day be reunited. His calm, easy going personality and contagious smile captured the heart of the love of his life, Natasha Nuttall Hardman. They married in the Salt Lake Temple on March 25, 2010 for time and all eternity. Fatherhood became his greatest joy, loving his Brynnlee & Brody. He loved outdoors, hunting, football and spending time with friends and family. Survived by his wife, Natasha; children Brynnlee 4, Brody 11 months; parents Kevin and Stephanie Hardman; in-laws Bryan and Hollie Nuttall; brothers Andy (Samie) Hardman, Matt (Michelle) Hardman , Tyrel (Natalie) Hardman; Nathan (Kristin) Nuttall, Nicholas (Trista) Nuttall, Korbin Nuttall, Kyler Nuttall. This will be a short time of loneliness but we know we'll share an eternity together.
We would like to thank everyone for the donations, prayers, love and support, but especially the search and rescue working so hard to bring our boys home.
Funeral services will be held 11 a.m. Saturday, November 24, 2012 at the Sunset Ridge 1st Ward, 8107 S. 6700 W., where a viewing will be held both Friday 6-8 p.m. and Saturday 10-10:45 a.m. prior to services. Interment: Valley View Memorial Park. Online condolences: www.peelfuneralhome.com
In lieu of flowers donations can be made to Zions Bank in Logan's name.

Now Chad.  Chad is such a sweetheart.  He and I weren't terribly close while Logan was home.  All I really remember from that time period is his super cute bleached blonde tips of his dark hair.  He always made you laugh and was such a positive person.  Once Logan left on his mission, Chad and I started talking a lot more.  We kept each other informed of our dating lives, work lives, school lives, everything.  I complained to him about everything that bothered me in life and he had advice for it all.  I remember going to lunch many times and being persuaded to set him up with many of my cute friends.  Because of Chad, I met by amazing fiance now.  Cody grew up with Chad since he was a little kid.  They went to school together and did a lot together.  Chad is such a precious person to me and there's a lot in my life that would not be the same had Chad not been in my life.  I saw his family on Sunday, the day I found out about his death.  His house was filled with people that love him that were mourning over his death.  It's obvious that many, many people loved Chad as much if not much more than I did.

Chad Masanori Tohinaka

1987 ~ 2012
Our loving son, brother, grandson, and dear friend, Chad , 25, passed away Saturday, November 17, 2012 in an accident on the Great Salt Lake along with his best friend and brother Logan. Chad was born on September 15, 1987 in Salt Lake City, Utah to Mike & Karen Tohinaka. He graduated from Olympus High and Westminster College and was currently working as a portfolio manager at National Capital Investment Company. Chad strived to be the best in all he did and he lived life to its fullest. He went skydiving with friends, loved extreme roller coasters with his sister and dad, the bigger the better. He loved hunting with Logan & friends for ducks and other game. He was an avid ghost hunter and spent many nights investigating haunted locations with his Paranormal Investigations Team of Utah buddies, although he never "caught" one.
Chad is survived by his parents, Mike & Karen, sister, Kelsi, grandmothers Sachiko Tohinaka and Mitsue Sugimoto and many aunts, uncles, and cousins. We want to thank all the family, friends and members of the community for their generosity and outpouring of love and support for our son Chad and "our other son", Logan.
Most of all, a special thank you to everyone involved in the search and rescue operation that night for finding our boys and bringing them home. It brings us peace to know that Chad and Logan were together in life and now in death. Brothers forever. Our lives and hearts are so much richer because of them both.
Funeral services will be held on December 2, 2012 at 4:00 p.m. at the Salt Lake Buddhist Temple, 211 W. 100 So., Salt Lake City, Utah. Friends may visit from 2:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m. Funeral directors, Neil O'Donnell and Sons. In lieu of flowers, please make a donation in Chad's memory to the Logan Hardman fund at Zions Bank.

It's hard to believe that Logan and Chad are gone.  It doesn't feel real, and it consumes a lot of my thoughts.  Although I didn't spend time with either of them much in the last few years, there was a time in my life where I spent all of my time with these two men.  Any spare moment I had was spent being escorted around Magna in Logan's pear scented car being shown the "crazy man's cardboard house" that they loved to tease me about.  We never sat in the house watching movies, these guys were busy bodies!  Always out doing something.  They are both such incredible people.  Their funerals will be very difficult to take in.  Their families have a long road ahead of dealing with their losses.  But with Heavenly Father's help, I know they will be okay.  I know I will be okay.  And I know we will all see them both again some day.

Logan made me listen to this song every single time we got in the car.  I complained for a little while, but let's just say I adopted the song soon after.  Who couldn't love this song, right?

Fishin' in the Dark-Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

Rest in peace Logan Hardman and Chad Tohinaka.   

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Grandma Stam

This last weekend has been truly exhausting.  There is so much that has happened and I can't believe it all happened in the same weekend.  As much heartbreak as I feel I can no longer endure, I know and really feel for the other closer, more important people these events directly effected.  My heart is broken for their sake and my prayers are with everyone effected by these horrible turn of events.

I got home from my graveyard clinical shift and went straight to bed.  A few hours later, I got a phone call from my father.  He stated that he was sorry for waking me up, but he wanted me to hear it from him instead of Facebook or some other form, but my sweet grandmother had passed away that morning.  

My grandmother (my father's mom) was just in the hospital last month.  She had eaten something she didn't like and aspirated and ended up getting pneumonia from it.  She had to be in the hospital for a week or so.  She was staying in the same hospital that I was working at so it was really easy to go up and see her.  I feel very lucky that my grandma was in the hospital last month.  Although I know she did not enjoy being there, it really gave me a lot more time to spend with her, time I probably would not have gotten without her trip to the hospital.

My grandma's funeral was yesterday, and it was perfect.  Her favorite color was pink.  And everything was pink.  The flowers were pink and purple and looked absolutely perfect. They matched the amazing hot pink carpet she has in her home. The balloons were pink and purple and looked amazing as they floated into the sky at the grave site.  And my grandma's casket was a beautiful pearl pink.  And my grandma herself.  She looked so beautiful, and so peaceful, happy even.  It was heartbreaking to watch my grandpa have to say goodbye to her.  He loves her so much, they have the epitome of the perfect relationship and perfect love for each other.  They have been together forever.  And they will continue to be together after this life. 

I love my grandma so very much.  I pray and will ask your prayers for my grandfather so that he can cope with my grandma's passing and continue to be the strong and amazing person he is.

Muriel Dahle Murdoch Stam

1929 ~ 2012
Our beautiful wife, mother, grandmother and grandma-great, completed her earthly mission and passed peacefully on to join her parents, family and friends on November 14, 2012 at age 83. She left behind a legacy of love, honor, service, endurance and charity.
She was born in Hyrum, Utah February 18, 1929. She attended schools in California and Utah, graduating from East High School. She married her eternal sweetheart Richard V. Stam and had 64 wonderful years together. Their marriage was solemnized in the Salt Lake Temple. Together they raised 5 children and many foster children. They served together on the Salt Lake County Foster Parent Council for many years.
Muriel loved to sing and dance and performed in many plays. She also sang in a woman's group which performed around Salt Lake City. Her hobbies were knitting and crocheting and she made many afghans, poncho's, hats and scarfs for her family. She loved to travel and was fortunate to spend many retirement years traveling with her husband and friends enjoying the beautiful earth God created.
Her love for her family was only surpassed by her love of the Lord. She served in many capacities in the LDS Church including den mother, Sunday School Teacher, Young Women's leader and Relief Society President.
She cared for and served her parents and family with unconditional love. She endured several illnesses with Dignity and Faith. Her life was a shining example for her family to follow. We will miss her dearly and will rejoice when we are with her again.
She is survived by her dear husband, Richard, her children, Loralee (Jim) Hanson, Lon Stam, Jillyn Best, Darren (Roseann) Stam and Renee Stam, 27 Grandchildren and 28 Great- Grandchildren. She was preceded in death by her parents Lora and Cuthbert Murdoch and Delos Dahle, a daughter Jenee and a grandson Andrew.
Funeral services will be held Monday, November 19, 2012, 12:00 Noon, at the Cottonwood Heights 3rd Ward, 6890 South Whitmore Way, where friends and family may visit Sunday evening from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. or Monday from 10:30 to 11:30 a.m.
We wish to express our thanks to our sweet father for the loving care he gave our mother for many years. Also, to Linda Hancey, Lisa and her crew and all the wonderful people at Heartwood for their kind service and love. We love you mother, until we meet again.

Some of the beautiful balloons.

The prettiest casket for the most amazing lady.

 

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The Proposal!

October 13, 2012 at about 6:30 pm my life changed forever.  The man of my dreams finally proposed!  I can't believe it is real, we are really engaged!  Cody and I have had such a rough ride getting to this point.  I think we have endured things through the dating phase that most couples would never have to face.  But I also know that is why we are where we are, that is why we have made it to the point of being engaged.  We have learned to love each other and endure anything we are faced with hand in hand, together.  

Cody told me that Saturday (the 13th) he has planned for us to go to dinner and a haunted house.  We spent the morning playing with our dogs and watching some of our favorite TV shows.  We had planned to go to dinner at 7:30 that night.  At about 3:00 pm Cody told me his uncle was drawing the personal cartoons of people down in City Creek.  I had met his uncle a couple of times before this and knew he was an amazing artist, so I thought this would be a lot of fun!  We once got a cartoonist picture of us done at the State Fair, and I love it!  So I thought it was a great idea to get one done by his uncle who was so good at drawing!

We headed downtown and walked around trying to find the ice cream shop he told me his uncle was set up in.  We finally found it and his uncle was set up with a really cute drawing he had drawn of himself and the chairs and easel.  He was drawing a picture his son and we waited a few minutes while watching him finish up.  Then we sat down to get our pictures done.  :)

It was a little bit awkward to sit there as he was "drawing" us.  He has us smile while he got idea of how we look so he could draw it.  We sat there about 10 minutes and I glanced over at Cody to see what he was doing.  I had seen some kind of flicker behind me and a quickly glanced behind me and saw a crowd of people, but from what I could see, they weren't looking at us and I didn't think very much of it.  Maybe I just assumed it was other people waiting to get a picture drawn, I don't know what I was thinking. 

After about 15 minutes in the chairs, he said he was done and he flipped the picture of us around to see it!  It was so cute of us, I loved it!  But there were these big empty word bubble above our heads and the Cody stood up.  And that's when I knew.  :)

Cody asked his uncle, "What are these bubbles for?"  And his uncle replied "Oh, I figured you could write what you want in them."  Cody then said, "I know what I want to write."  He then turned to me and took my hands and made me stand up.  At that point he looked at me and said "Heather, I love you so much.  We have been through so much to get to where we are today and it has helped me come to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. *Gets down on one knee and pulls out the most AMAZING ring EVER!*  Heather Rose Stam, will you marry me?"  This is when I see that "crowed waiting for pictures" come in the doors with laughs, huge smiles, flashing cameras, and familiar faces.  I think somewhere during that time I said an awkward and shell shocked yes.  I pulled Cody up into a hug and he put the beautiful ring on my finger! 

After that, I was lucky enough to have friends and family there to hug and love on.  :)  All of Cody's immediate family was there, and four of my best friends from my childhood!  But when I saw my older brother there, he was the one that made me cry.  He definitely got the first hug.  My parents were not there because they don't support my decision to marry Cody.  It's been a struggle for my family and something we will continue to work on.  But to see my older brother there meant so much to me and to hear that my sister-in-law and little brother would have also been there had they not been obligated to work, was such an emotional thing for me.  

After we spent some time taking a lot of pictures and talking with everyone that came, Cody and I went to dinner and a haunted house with my good friend Chelsie and her boyfriend Josh.  It was a lot of fun to be able to spend time with them and do it with a pretty ring on my finger.  Which my bragging rights for my ring comes in here- we got it from J.Brooks Jewelers (S/O to them, they are SO amazing!).  Cody knows the owner of that jeweler so we got a slamming deal on the ring!  My ring has 94 little diamonds in it and 95 with the beautiful 3/4 ct. pear shaped center diamond.  Yes, I love it very much. :)

It's so unreal to be actually engaged now.  It's something that we have been thinking about for quite a while now, but has been such a tough place for us to get to for so many other reasons.  But it really felt like the moment I had a ring on, things changed.  Our commitment to each other became so real and so solidified.  I have always felt very comfortable with Cody's family, but now I felt like real family.  I honestly could not be happier with my decision to marry Cody, and it's been so cute to watch Cody as he has gotten just as excited as I have for this to milestone to happen.  I love Cody so much!!  We have decided to get married in March because that's what works the best with his and my school schedule.  I don't want to get married in December, which is Cody's first school break, because that will be a week or two before I am set to take my NCLEX exam.  So the next break we have is spring break in the fall.  We have the Salt Lake temple scheduled on March 8th (it may change to March 7th because I've learned weekday weddings are so much cheaper than weekend weddings, but we haven't decided for sure quite yet...I will update soon!) so make sure you can come!!

Thanks again to everyone who came out to watch the proposal and take some amazing pictures for us!! We are so happy and I couldn't have a better guy to spend the rest of eternity with!! :)

Pictures for your enjoyment!

My beautiful ring!!

Our picture that we filled in after he proposed.

Although we do have pictures of the real proposal, they are on everyone else's camera still... so this picture was a cheesy reenactment of the proposal, but still cute. :)

My fiance is so cute!!

I'm a dork and was making faces at my friends after standing there so long taking pictures. 

Happily engaged!

Another photo of my amazing ring.  Yes I'm spoiled.

At dinner after the proposal.

Scary house time!! I hate these so much.  But it was a lot of fun!

Our Nightmare pictures.

Thanks Chelsie and Josh for coming with us!  We had fun!

 SAVE THE DATE!  MARCH 7th or 8th IN THE BEAUTIFUL SALT LAKE TEMPLE!! (Haha, I'll let everyone know soon which one.)

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Remembering Brock

I've been pretty fortunate in my life to not have experienced much death.  I have all four of my grandparents still, all of my extended and immediate family.  I even had the same dog from when I was 5 years old up until just last October.  My dog dying was very terrible for me, and probably the worst I've experienced.  Call me lucky, or call me unlucky because it will probably all come crashing down at the same time.  But all I know is, I can't imagine the horrible pain that comes from losing someone you truly love.

I lost a friend this past weekend.  He and I used to work together as lifeguards when we were younger.  He was so funny at work, he was always getting in trouble.  I think he gave us more business than any of the patrons did because he was always getting hurt!  I think every time I saw him he had some kind of new cast.  I think he was a little more daring than he should have been.  Once I got a job in the hospital I work at, Brock and I lost touch.  It wasn't until about two years ago that I saw Brock again at SLCC sitting in the student commons area.  I went over and sat with him and gave him a hug.  I caught up with him on the last few years and found out he was pretty amazing at math and wanted to become a math teacher.  He was working on calculus homework that day, a foreign language to me.  We exchanged numbers and looked each other up on Facebook so we could stay in touch.

Brock had Crohn's Disease which eventually led to Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis which is basically scarring and inflammation of the bile ducts in the liver, causing an obstruction to the flow of bile leading to liver failure.  I didn't really know this when Brock was sick... I knew he was sick and had some kind of liver disease.  But it was Brock, he went to the hospital for a little while, and he always came home.  He'd had this disease ever since I'd met him.  Brock was a super hero.

Whenever Brock had to come to the hospital, he would always send me a text letting me know he was here (because I work at the hospital he was treated at).  I was only able to go and see him one time a while ago, but we would always talk about how boring it was to be in the hospital.  He was such a positive guy though, he always talked highly of the nurses assigned to him!

Brock and I hadn't talked for a while over the last couple of months.  I assumed he was doing better and was busy with life.  I always enjoyed the funny things he would post on Facebook and he always enjoyed seeing pictures of my dog because we both had a love for dogs.  However, it turns out that the last couple of months Brock was actually doing a lot worse.  He needed a liver transplant.  At one point he even had a liver ready for him, but he wasn't strong enough to endure the surgery.  They had to give the liver to someone else while he got better.  Once he finally was better, there was no liver of course.  He waited and waited.  And got worse while waiting.  What I didn't know is that he got bad to the point of no return.  Brock passed away on September 28th with his family surrounding him.  

It's so hard to believe it's real.  I feel like tomorrow I'm just going to see Brock back at his happy go lucky self again.  It's so heart breaking to think his beautiful presence won't be felt here on the Earth anymore.  I don't know Brock's family, but I send my prayers and love their way.  If only they knew how many people really do love Brock and will be missing him.  Brock was an amazing loving person who didn't deserve to have his life here cut short.  

I pray that in Brock's honor and others like Brock, everyone will take careful consideration when they choose not to mark organ donation on their license.  One tiny decision to donate an organ to those in need when you no longer can use it may make the difference needed in another young 21 year old's life, saving them from dying waiting for that person who did make that small decision to save others.

In loving memory of Brock Barber Butler.

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Fall Time!

A crappy picture of our beautiful hike.  Once I steal Cody's camera, I will have much better pictures to show off.

I love fall.  I.  Love.  Fall.  The colors are so beautiful and amazing!  It's funny that I've lived in Utah my whole life and still every time fall comes around I'm amazed at how colorful our mountains turn every fall.  I had an amazing week this week and I got to spend a lot of much needed time with Cody.  I told him earlier in the week that I would like to go up the canyon soon to see the colors and we ended up going to Silver Lake on Saturday and spent time walking around the lake and taking pictures of the beautiful scenery.  We also had a lot of fun helping out Missy Larsen who is running for Salt Lake City county council.  Cody is taking a campaign management class or something like that and he has to help someone with the upcoming elections and he chose her.  I like to go help out because I just want to spend the time with Cody.  We've really enjoyed walking the neighborhoods together because it gives us a lot of time to just talk about life and pick apart what we like and don't like about all of the houses we see.  

This week however, the candidates for election were having a big get together, so we went and helped Missy set up a tent so she could talk to people about why they should vote for her.  Well, turns out we set up our tent right next to this crazy guy who was running for President.  Yep.  President of the United States.  I'd never heard of him, and I still don't remember his name now.  No one knew who he was.  He was crazy!  Running for President of the United States?  Haha.  Cody wasn't as intrigued with him as I was.  This guy had to have something wrong going on up in his head because he was totally serious and was seriously trying to get people to vote for him to become the President.  Oh dear.

This week was also JD's birthday.  I spent time with him and his friend's on his birthday to help celebrate and I had a lot of fun.  It's still not easy.  I don't think it will ever be easy.  But the thing is, regardless of whether JD and I are dating or not, he is one of my very best friends.  We started out as friends.  So it's not difficult to still be friends.  Are feelings always going to be there between us?  Yes.  But those feelings aren't strong enough for me to overcome the feelings I have for Cody.  It's hard and many people don't understand.  This situation has been so tough and I know it's hurt a lot of people in the process, especially me.  But I truly feel I'm doing the right thing.  And sometimes the right thing doesn't necessarily mean it's easy.  The thing about my situation is, no matter what the outcome, it's always painful.  It's especially hard to choose the option that leaves your family not happy with you, telling you you are doing the wrong thing.  It's especially hard when the guy you don't choose to be with is still an amazing, wonderful, beautiful guy in every way.  And it's especially hard when there are a lot of times you feel alone in your decision with no one to talk to.  JD is so great in every way, and he and I have a history that I will never forget.  But I'm ready for this new chapter in my life, even if it means the road getting there will be tough. 

 I wish more than anything I could sit on the couch at night and talk to my mother about how amazing my date was with the man I love, or how we went ring shopping and I love the ring I found, or how sweet he was for surprising me at work with flowers and a note that had all of the other nurses talking about what a wonderful guy I have.  I want to come home and tell her how happy I am and how I want to plan a wedding with her every step of the way.  I want her to go dress shopping with me and pick flowers and colors and decorations.  But, I don't get to do those things.  I don't get to share those things with anyone, really.  My mom isn't sure she wants to be involved at all.  And that's the hardest thing in the world to hear.  I'm her only daughter, and I've always dreamed of the perfect wedding.  But I'm learning more and more as I grow up that perfect doesn't exist as a whole, only in small forms.  And I guess having a perfect wedding where my mother is there every step of the way isn't a part of the perfect piece of my life.  I love my momma.  She loves me very much.  We will come through this.  Maybe not in time for a wedding or engagement or even getting to know the person I love.  But maybe some day.  My mom's not a bad person.  My mom means well in every way.  My mom is a major worry wart, and for good reason at times too.  But she doesn't always need to worry as much as she does.  But as much as it hurts to not have my mom be there and excited for the love I've found in my life, I would rather have my over protective, over worrying, and over sensitive mother than a mother who doesn't care.  My mother cares.  She always will. 

A few weeks ago, it rained really hard and I forced my mom to come out and play in the rain with me.  :)

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