My life right now isn't what you would call easy. I know everyone goes through trials in some form or the other. And certain people have bigger trials than others. Well, I will have to admit, some of the trials I have been dealt are pretty up there in difficulty. Some days are harder than others. There are times that I feel like I have no where to go and no solution to any of the problems I have to deal with. It can be so overwhelming that I don't even know where to start. And for me, that is where the gospel HAS to come in.
I don't think I realize how important and necessary the gospel is to my life until I am forced to turn to it in times like now. When people tell you to pray, for me, sometimes it is really frustrating. I don't always want that answer, I'm the kind of person that would just like my answers written out in plain English. A prayer takes time, effort, patience, faith, and complete trust in the Lord. While I like to think I have some of those attributes, I know I am lacking in some of those also. However, the best part about the gospel is that the Lord knows us so well. And He definitely knows I am an impatient person. While I think He likes to push me to my limit sometimes, He also knows when enough is enough and when I need a lifeline thrown out to me. Tonight was one of those nights.
I was sitting at work, bored as ever, thinking about everything going on in my life. When I have lots of extra time on my hands to think, that's when I start to really freak out about the situation I have in my hands. I was worried, scared about all the things I have to face ahead. Well, I was cleaning out my room yesterday (still unpacking from moving back home) and I came across my patriarchal blessing. It was in an envelope that I have not opened in many years. I didn't read it right then, I just put it in my purse. At work tonight, I remembered I had put it in there and decided to pull it out and give it a little look.
It's incredible the things you find when it's inspired by the Lord. Call me crazy, maybe it was coincidence that I found and decided to read my blessing now when it's been so many years since I even glanced at it. But I don't think so. I think this was my lifeline I needed. I think the Lord has finally said, "Okay. You understand the things that I needed you to realize. Now I will give you a little string of hope to help you through it all." Did reading my blessing finally answer all my questions and solve all of my fears I was feeling? Of course not. I wish, but no. What it more was, was a punch in the gut, a slap in the face, a major wake up call. It was my way of being told, "Hello! Here are these blessing I have given you. Blessing that not everyone gets, just you. You specifically. And I gave you the most important blessing you need for what is going on with you right now! Why the heck aren't you using it?"
I have had two huge questions on my mind lately. Two huge, life changing questions. Reading that blessing completely answered one of them. Easy. Done and done. And the other? I now know that I do not need to worry or focus any more energy or pain over this question. Will it get solved? Yes. Do I have some homework to do for this one? Yes. But do I need to strain myself over it, heck no. What an amazing, successful night tonight was. I don't know how people who are not a part of the gospel get things done. Any time I forget to use the gospel as my resource, I get nowhere. I go in circles and circles and freak out more than I need to until the Lord throws me that little lifeline. If I weren't able to recognize and appreciate that help from Him, I don't know where I would be. Probably still in the same problems all the time because they would not be solved to any kind of satisfaction.
I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints so much. I know I am so terrible at telling my non member friends how important this gospel is to me. I am terrible at telling my member friends also for that matter. I think it can be easy to just fall into the motion of life and forget about the important things. But when all is said and done, I know when I go to bed every night that I have the Lord on my side in everything I do. When I feel like I am all alone in handling my problems and decisions of life and that I have no where to look for an answer, that I can get that answer by relying on the gospel. So many times before when I have thought there is no hope left, I get that little glimmer of hope back from something that happens at church, through reading scriptures, or even just the kindness and service of the members of church. I am so happy and so proud to be a member of the LDS church and I know it's something that will be a part of my life forever. Without it, I would not be the person I am today, which although I have many faults, many more than most people I am sure, I know I can be proud of who I am and the things I do in my life thanks to the gospel showing me the example and leading the way for me. :)
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