Thursday, August 18, 2011

Patriarchal Blessings

My life right now isn't what you would call easy.  I know everyone goes through trials in some form or the other.  And certain people have bigger trials than others.  Well, I will have to admit, some of the trials I have been dealt are pretty up there in difficulty.  Some days are harder than others.  There are times that I feel like I have no where to go and no solution to any of the problems I have to deal with.  It can be so overwhelming that I don't even know where to start.  And for me, that is where the gospel HAS to come in. 

I don't think I realize how important and necessary the gospel is to my life until I am forced to turn to it in times like now.  When people tell you to pray, for me, sometimes it is really frustrating.  I don't always want that answer, I'm the kind of person that would just like my answers written out in plain English.  A prayer takes time, effort, patience, faith, and complete trust in the Lord.  While I like to think I have some of those attributes, I know I am lacking in some of those also.  However, the best part about the gospel is that the Lord knows us so well.  And He definitely knows I am an impatient person.  While I think He likes to push me to my limit sometimes, He also knows when enough is enough and when I need a lifeline thrown out to me.  Tonight was one of those nights. 

I was sitting at work, bored as ever, thinking about everything going on in my life.  When I have lots of extra time on my hands to think, that's when I start to really freak out about the situation I have in my hands.  I was worried, scared about all the things I have to face ahead.  Well, I was cleaning out my room yesterday (still unpacking from moving back home) and I came across my patriarchal blessing.  It was in an envelope that I have not opened in many years. I didn't read it right then, I just put it in my purse. At work tonight, I remembered I had put it in there and decided to pull it out and give it a little look.  

It's incredible the things you find when it's inspired by the Lord.  Call me crazy, maybe it was coincidence that I found and decided to read my blessing now when it's been so many years since I even glanced at it.  But I don't think so.  I think this was my lifeline I needed.  I think the Lord has finally said, "Okay.  You understand the things that I needed you to realize.  Now I will give you a little string of hope to help you through it all."  Did reading my blessing finally answer all my questions and solve all of my fears I was feeling?  Of course not.  I wish, but no.  What it more was, was a punch in the gut, a slap in the face, a major wake up call.  It was my way of being told, "Hello! Here are these blessing I have given you.  Blessing that not everyone gets, just you.  You specifically.  And I gave you the most important blessing you need for what is going on with you right now! Why the heck aren't you using it?"  
I have had two huge questions on my mind lately.  Two huge, life changing questions.  Reading that blessing completely answered one of them.  Easy.  Done and done.  And the other?  I now know that I do not need to worry or focus any more energy or pain over this question.  Will it get solved?  Yes.  Do I have some homework to do for this one?  Yes.  But do I need to strain myself over it, heck no.  What an amazing, successful night tonight was.  I don't know how people who are not a part of the gospel get things done.  Any time I forget to use the gospel as my resource, I get nowhere.  I go in circles and circles and freak out more than I need to until the Lord throws me that little lifeline.  If I weren't able to recognize and appreciate that help from Him, I don't know where I would be.  Probably still in the same problems all the time because they would not be solved to any kind of satisfaction. 

I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints so much.  I know I am so terrible at telling my non member friends how important this gospel is to me.  I am terrible at telling my member friends also for that matter.  I think it can be easy to just fall into the motion of life and forget about the important things.  But when all is said and done, I know when I go to bed every night that I have the Lord on my side in everything I do.  When I feel like I am all alone in handling my problems and decisions of life and that I have no where to look for an answer, that I can get that answer by relying on the gospel.  So many times before when I have thought there is no hope left, I get that little glimmer of hope back from something that happens at church, through reading scriptures, or even just the kindness and service of the members of church.  I am so happy and so proud to be a member of the LDS church and I know it's something that will be a part of my life forever.  Without it, I would not be the person I am today, which although I have many faults, many more than most people I am sure, I know I can be proud of who I am and the things I do in my life thanks to the gospel showing me the example and leading the way for me.  :)

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