Me Against The World

It's hard sometimes to be alone. But the fact of the matter is, there is a point in time that you have to face some things alone. No, I'm not meaning that God is not there. I understand you always have the Lord to go to, but let's also be real here. You need someone here, in the flesh to rely on also. But sometimes that's not always possible. This is my today.

I have many people in my life that I can rely on. Many people I can trust and look to whenever I need something. But there's always a limit to everything. There's always a breaking point in any normal person. When they decide enough is enough right now. What's incredible to me is that sometimes that happens with everyone all at once. That's where I am at tonight. I'm at the point where all the people I care and rely on so heavily have just burnt out their last ember. It's understandable, I know I bring a lot to the table lol. And I guess sometimes I just have to figure things out on my own.

But what do you do when you feel like you can't hold the weight of the world on your shoulders alone? Sometimes that pressure is just a tad too much and you think you may crack at any moment. That's when that support system comes in to save you. But what happens when that supposed system is busy saving someone else? Where do you go next? Tonight, it is me against the world. Most the time I can make it through, I like to think I am a strong person. And I guess that's what it's going to have to take this time. Tonight, I am the only one here.

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Patriarchal Blessings

My life right now isn't what you would call easy.  I know everyone goes through trials in some form or the other.  And certain people have bigger trials than others.  Well, I will have to admit, some of the trials I have been dealt are pretty up there in difficulty.  Some days are harder than others.  There are times that I feel like I have no where to go and no solution to any of the problems I have to deal with.  It can be so overwhelming that I don't even know where to start.  And for me, that is where the gospel HAS to come in. 

I don't think I realize how important and necessary the gospel is to my life until I am forced to turn to it in times like now.  When people tell you to pray, for me, sometimes it is really frustrating.  I don't always want that answer, I'm the kind of person that would just like my answers written out in plain English.  A prayer takes time, effort, patience, faith, and complete trust in the Lord.  While I like to think I have some of those attributes, I know I am lacking in some of those also.  However, the best part about the gospel is that the Lord knows us so well.  And He definitely knows I am an impatient person.  While I think He likes to push me to my limit sometimes, He also knows when enough is enough and when I need a lifeline thrown out to me.  Tonight was one of those nights. 

I was sitting at work, bored as ever, thinking about everything going on in my life.  When I have lots of extra time on my hands to think, that's when I start to really freak out about the situation I have in my hands.  I was worried, scared about all the things I have to face ahead.  Well, I was cleaning out my room yesterday (still unpacking from moving back home) and I came across my patriarchal blessing.  It was in an envelope that I have not opened in many years. I didn't read it right then, I just put it in my purse. At work tonight, I remembered I had put it in there and decided to pull it out and give it a little look.  

It's incredible the things you find when it's inspired by the Lord.  Call me crazy, maybe it was coincidence that I found and decided to read my blessing now when it's been so many years since I even glanced at it.  But I don't think so.  I think this was my lifeline I needed.  I think the Lord has finally said, "Okay.  You understand the things that I needed you to realize.  Now I will give you a little string of hope to help you through it all."  Did reading my blessing finally answer all my questions and solve all of my fears I was feeling?  Of course not.  I wish, but no.  What it more was, was a punch in the gut, a slap in the face, a major wake up call.  It was my way of being told, "Hello! Here are these blessing I have given you.  Blessing that not everyone gets, just you.  You specifically.  And I gave you the most important blessing you need for what is going on with you right now! Why the heck aren't you using it?"  

I have had two huge questions on my mind lately.  Two huge, life changing questions.  Reading that blessing completely answered one of them.  Easy.  Done and done.  And the other?  I now know that I do not need to worry or focus any more energy or pain over this question.  Will it get solved?  Yes.  Do I have some homework to do for this one?  Yes.  But do I need to strain myself over it, heck no.  What an amazing, successful night tonight was.  I don't know how people who are not a part of the gospel get things done.  Any time I forget to use the gospel as my resource, I get nowhere.  I go in circles and circles and freak out more than I need to until the Lord throws me that little lifeline.  If I weren't able to recognize and appreciate that help from Him, I don't know where I would be.  Probably still in the same problems all the time because they would not be solved to any kind of satisfaction. 

I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints so much.  I know I am so terrible at telling my non member friends how important this gospel is to me.  I am terrible at telling my member friends also for that matter.  I think it can be easy to just fall into the motion of life and forget about the important things.  But when all is said and done, I know when I go to bed every night that I have the Lord on my side in everything I do.  When I feel like I am all alone in handling my problems and decisions of life and that I have no where to look for an answer, that I can get that answer by relying on the gospel.  So many times before when I have thought there is no hope left, I get that little glimmer of hope back from something that happens at church, through reading scriptures, or even just the kindness and service of the members of church.  I am so happy and so proud to be a member of the LDS church and I know it's something that will be a part of my life forever.  Without it, I would not be the person I am today, which although I have many faults, many more than most people I am sure, I know I can be proud of who I am and the things I do in my life thanks to the gospel showing me the example and leading the way for me.  :)

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