One Blog

Originally I had two blogs, one for my missionary waiting experience, and one for my normal life. But. I realized that waiting for J.D. is such a big part of my life, that there is no way these two things can be separated. Half of the time, I wanted to put the same things on both of my blogs. So, this is now my combined experiences of life and waiting all in one. Although, don't be surprised if 90% of my postings are about that missionary of mine, mainly because the only times I feel like I should write are the times that I want to tell about him.

So, it is so hard (so, so, so hard) when I feel like J.D. is the only missionary following the rule about the whole not talking to the girlfriend when he calls home on Mother's Day. Some day I am okay with it and I am proud of him for following the rules. But other days (like today) it's so hard for me to accept. I talk to so many girls that are waiting, or did wait already and ended up marrying their missionary, and it really helps! But what is hard is that most of them/almost all of them talked to their missionaries! Am I completely alone in this? I know I'm not because I know there are other missionaries following this rule to, but it sure doesn't feel like. It seems like all I hear about lately is how everyone gets to talk to missionaries (that aren't brothers) on Mother's Day. Stupid Mother's Day. (No offense mom!)

On a different note, J.D. got a new companion yesterday. I haven't heard anything about this new companion yet, but I am looking forward to this. Maybe it's just me, and it probably is, but I could swear J.D.'s last companion, Elder Butler did not like me. Maybe it's just because he was J.D.'s trainer so he was trying to be really good, but I don't know.. I could just be crazy. And maybe it's because I'm still getting used to the fact that I don't get to talk to J.D. the same way I did before now for quite a while. Well, I can't wait to hear from J.D. this week. It's been a long week this time.

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Rings

Everytime I get a letter from JD I am a little on edge about what it is going to say. Because sometimes his letters are so exciting and happy! But there are also those times that the letters are very hard.. much like last week. This weeks letter however, was wonderful!!

See, when JD left, he gave me a ring. Not an engagement ring, but a ring that says how much he loves me. I wear it to show everyone that I am waiting for a missionary. Not the waiting and dating kind, but actually waiting for him to come home and be with me. I promised JD that I would always wear it as long as I consider him my boyfriend. So the only way I will take it off is if we either break up (which won't happen), or get engaged. The ring he gave me is not real diamonds or anything, just a sterling silver ring with cubic zerconia diamonds around it. The ring is called an eternity band. Because I will love him for eternity. On our Anniversary, which was January 1st (2 years now!), he sent me another identical band that goes with it, with a promise that someday he will turn it into an engagement ring. Many people think this ring is a wedding ring or they ask if I'm married. I just reply, no I'm not married or engaged, I'm just waiting for a missionary that I someday do want to marry.

Right when JD left, I also bought him a ring. His ring is a CTR ring (we thought that was fitting due to his mission) that he also wears with the same meaning I wear mine for. With last week's letter and everything he said about following every rule, I just assumed that it would be a rule that he cannot wear rings on that specific finger. I also had asked him about it in many of my letters and he never answered, so I took that as his way of saying, no I don't wear it because I can't. But in this week's letter he finally answered my question about whether or not he wears it, and his answer made my entire week better! He said, I am wearing my ring and I have been and I will not take it off until you want me to! JD promised me a long time ago that he would never be the one to break up with me. And that if we ever broke up, it would be because I wanted to and told him we needed to. JD and I have been through so much in our relationship already. We have fought more than anyone can imagine, and yet we learn how to work our way through the fights together. And I think it has made us stronger as a couple to be able to fight, and work it out and still love each other just as much, if not more. Hearing that JD still wears his ring means a lot, just because I know that even though he doesn't spend hardly any time concentrating on him and I while he is out on his mission, it is okay. He still wears that ring because he still loves me. And I don't need anything more from him while he is on a mission than to know that he will always love me. And wearing that ring is just one little way he can say it to me without actually being able to physically say it.

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The NICU

I had work today.. I work in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit. And it is the best job in the whole world! Who wouldn't want to feed and hold the cutest babies ever all day, and get paid for it?

The reason I write about working there in my post about my missionary is that I love going to work, yet it is also so hard. All I see all day long are these cute little families with their little babies. The majority of the people I see are usually young couples, a lot of times their first child. I see these mothers with their husbands leaning over their baby and they look so happy. And I am so jealous. I want JD here, and I want my own little family to look so happy with. Now don't get the wrong idea, I'm not going baby crazy. No, I do not want to have a kid anytime soon. But working with these babies and their parents, you can't help but get so excited to have that for yourself. I pray that my children will never have to be in to NICU, but still, it's the whole happy family idea that I'm jealous of.

I have to email JD tonight because his P-Day is tomorrow. Now just so it's not confusing, since I said he can't email.. he asked his mission president and he said that I am allowed to send JD one very short email a week. When I say short, I mean it's like four sentences long. JD cannot email me back though. He sends one big email to his parents that he also sends to me to read.

What am I going to say to him? After his letter, I don't really know what to say. I want to tell him I'm proud of him, but I'm also still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that he really is not going to be talking to me until he gets home. And I still have a hard time not wanting to tell him that he is crazy. So what do I say.. in four sentences? Ugghh. I guess we'll see what happens..

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The Worst Letter So Far

Okay, so the whole reason I started this blog is all because of the letter I got this week. The whole time JD has been gone has definately been a rollercoaster, but this so far has been the lowest point. And I'm probably making a bigger deal of it than I should, but to me, it was huge. See, the only rule I know of that JD was breaking is that when he would call home on Mother's Day or Christmas Day, he would talk to me on the phone. Well, it turns out he doesn't want to break the rules at all. So he said, that from now on when he calls home, that he will not be able to talk to me on the phone.

When I read that, my entire world came crashing down. I understand he wants to follow the rules, but has he lost his freaking mind?? That means I won't be able to talk to him until he gets home from his mission in a million years from now. After reading that letter, all I did the rest of the day was sit in my room and cry. Seriously, all day. Talking to JD on the phone is what I looked forward to the most, and now he took that away from me.

Now that I look back on the letter though, I was totally unfair with how I felt. First of all, the world will not end because I don't get to talk to JD when he calls. Even though it felt like it at the moment. Secondly, the way he told me in the letter was so sweet that I can't be mad at him. He said, "When I talked to you at the airport and then at Christmas, I wasn't supposed to. So I will not be able to talk to you on the phone anymore. I know that this will be hard for you but I can promise it will be worth it. I am trying to be as obedient to the rules of my mission as I can. I know that you supporting me will help me become that man that I'm supposed to be."

This is going to take time for me to accept and come to terms with, but I know realize that he is doing this with the best intentions. He is being my perfect missionary. And even though it is hard for me to completely understand why at times, I am happy he follows the rules. This cute girl that my mom works with is also waiting for a missionary who is following all of the rules like JD is. When I told her I was having a hard time with this, she sent me this long wonderful email about how JD is doing the right thing. It was the best email ever. In it she said, "We say that we are putting the Lord first for two years, and then he will bless us with forever!" That is a pretty good deal if you ask me.

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Pictures of Us

Saying goodbye was so hard.


I will love him forever!

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The Begining

I may not be the greatest writer in the world, but after yesterday I decided the best idea for me would be to find an outlet for my feelings. So to start off, I am four months and sixteen days into waiting for a missionary. He is serving in Louisville, Kentucky, speaking English. He left on November 4, 2009, although it feels like he has been gone for ten years. Everyone told me that it was going to be so hard waiting for him. I didn't believe them. Little did I know, they were so right. Waiting for him is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But I love my missionary. With all and every part of my heart, so no matter how hard or painful it is to wait for him, I will do it.
SO, the reason I titled the blog Waiting for the "Perfect" Missionary, isn't because J.D. (my missionary) is perfect as a person. Oh, no. It's because he is the kind of missionary who is going to follow every single, stinking mission rule, whether I like it or not. Not many missionaries follow every single rule. Others may not agree with me, but it's true. No Facebook, no emailing, no calling, no chatting, no nothing. It's SOL for two years. And this is what this blog will be about. How wonderful and yet horrible at the same time it is to have a missionary with that kind of obedience. Enjoy at your own risk. :)

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