Love is rough. All of my posts on this blog has seriously talked about how love has been such a rough road for me. Is it ever going to be a happy ending for me? Where is that fairy tale that we teach our children all about? We are setting them up for failure. I mean, we say someday this amazing wonderful prince charming will show up in your life out of the blue and it will be love at first sight. You guys will get married right after and you will live happily ever after. Well. I'm here to tell you, that is BULL freaking CRAP. I think it's an unwritten rule that your heart has to be ripped out, thrown on the ground, stomped on 10 times, picked up, put through the shredder front ways and back ways, and then scattered all over different parts of the world so that you have to go searching for every tiny piece before you can even begin to put it carefully back together. Then, MAYBE then, you will find love.
Is it possible to truly die from a broken heart? Because if not, I think I may be about as close as close gets. My heart is about the hardest thing to read ever. Everyone says, follow your heart. Okay.... well where are the instructions on how to interpret what you heart is trying to tell you? Following your heart is a lot easier said than done. Because my heart doesn't even know what it wants, let alone my mind.
I want my happy ending. I want my happily ever after. But the pain I feel from the journey of getting there makes it feel like it will never come. My favorite time of my days is when I sleep. At least right now, my dreams are all happy. All about happy times, and happy experiences. I wake up and lay in bed longer with my eyes close and try and trick my body into thinking I am still asleep so I can continue to live those dreams. Why am I so scared of making those dreams my reality? Maybe this is my way of getting cold feet. Maybe this is my I'm freaking out before a huge life change moment. If so, I'd have to say I'm about the worst at cold feet experiences there is. Today it feels like love is my drug. You take part in it because it makes you feel good for the time being, however in the long run it is doing you more harm than good. I know that in the case of love, that really isn't true. But that's sure what it feels like right now.
I've been listening to your rap music I always hated so much. Not because I like it now, but because it reminds me so much of you.
And I brushed my teeth in the shower today. Odd.
Oh, the things I do to feel even remotely close to you.
I want my happy ending. I want my happily ever after. But the pain I feel from the journey of getting there makes it feel like it will never come. My favorite time of my days is when I sleep. At least right now, my dreams are all happy. All about happy times, and happy experiences. I wake up and lay in bed longer with my eyes close and try and trick my body into thinking I am still asleep so I can continue to live those dreams. Why am I so scared of making those dreams my reality? Maybe this is my way of getting cold feet. Maybe this is my I'm freaking out before a huge life change moment. If so, I'd have to say I'm about the worst at cold feet experiences there is. Today it feels like love is my drug. You take part in it because it makes you feel good for the time being, however in the long run it is doing you more harm than good. I know that in the case of love, that really isn't true. But that's sure what it feels like right now.
I've been listening to your rap music I always hated so much. Not because I like it now, but because it reminds me so much of you.
And I brushed my teeth in the shower today. Odd.
Oh, the things I do to feel even remotely close to you.
